


The Buddy System

by Anonymous



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Buddy Breathing, Castiel Loves Sam Winchester, Castiel Saves Sam Winchester, Castiel/Sam Winchester First Kiss, Drowning, M/M, Sam Winchester Loves Castiel, Sastiel - Freeform, Trapped, Unrequited Castiel/Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-23 21:50:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18710617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: While exploring a second Men of Letters bunker, Sam and Cas become trapped in a flooding room.Sam is rapidly running out of breathing space, and Cas, unable to get them out, is left with only one way to save Sam’s life.It forces Sam to face some home truths, but does he really have a chance with their angel?





	The Buddy System

**Author's Note:**

> I think both the Winchesters know their relationship isn’t exactly healthy, and Sam reflects on that in this story, and shows he’s under no illusions about it, which leads to some negative thinking regarding Dean, for all that he still loves his brother.
> 
> I guess, for them, it is what it is.
> 
> If drowning, or being trapped in a room, is something that will trigger you, please don’t read any further.

_Well_ , Sam thinks, _at least I won’t catch a cold_.

The water’s not chilly enough for that; in fact, it’s more lukewarm, and the churning motion of it is like being in a jacuzzi except if Cas can’t get that door open pretty fast, that’s going to be where the comparison comes to an unpleasant, permanent stop.

He watches Cas bring a combination of his strength and Grace to bear on the thick metal holding them prisoner in this room, but it’s like the door’s slick with grease; his hands just seem to slide off it.

After a few minutes of futile effort, he staggers back, and looks at Sam with shame.

“It’s okay,” Sam says. 

Because this...this is his fault, really. He was the one who found the plans hidden away for a second bunker, and he was the one who wanted to explore it right then and there.

He was the one who wanted away from Dean because, as much as he loves his brother (and Dean knows he loves him, how often have they put the world at risk for each other) he’s been too much to deal with since Michael, and all the shit that’s happened since.

And he thinks Dean gets it, on some level, because he didn’t try to stop Sam going. Instead, he sent Cas with, and Sam realises now that was for two reasons….

One, was to keep Sam safe. Two, was to make sure Sam was only going away for long to enough to check out this other location, and not going away for good; if Sam has Cas with him, he guesses Dean was thinking, then Sam will come home, because he’ll have to bring Cas home too.

In a way, Dean’s entrusted them with each other, and used both of them. He knows why, he gets it, but it seems like manipulation is how they communicate their needs these past few...what? Weeks? Months?

Longer.

Not that it matters right now, because the water is still rising, and they can’t get out, and Cas won’t drown in here, but he…

He’ll run out of breathing room in maybe fifteen minutes the way things are going.

“I’ll think of something,” Cas promises him.

Sam nods, has faith in Cas, but all the same this room was clearly designed to trap anyone or anything that came nosing around without permission. 

His cell phone has no signal inside these walls, so he can’t even call Dean. Not that his brother’s near enough to come help them, but it would have been nice to hear his voice one last time.

He wants to shake himself out of thinking like that, because there has to be a way, they’ve always found a way.

It’s just right now, he thinks this could be it, because the room is sealed, there’s no lock to pick, no puzzle to solve to open the door, and no way for even Cas to get out.

The water’s deep enough now for them to have to work to stay afloat, and it’s bearing them closer to the ceiling.

Sam wonders, after he drowns, what’ll happen to Cas. Will he stay stuck in here? Will Dean come, realising they’ve missed their check in, too late for him but at least be able to rescue their angel?

He hopes Dean won’t blame Cas. Won’t use him as a coping mechanism, because anger hurts less than grief.

As if Cas can hear his thoughts, he pulls Sam a little closer, and takes over supporting his weight.

“You are not dying in here, Sam,” he says. “I won’t let you.”

Sam nods, a shared lie, because he can tell Cas has no idea how he’s going to stop Sam dying in this room.

And he’s running out of time to think of a way.

++

Sam has time to take one, two deep gulps of air and then that’s it. Everything around him is water, and he feels oddly separate from all of it.

But then that air in his lungs burns through faster than he expects, and he tries not to panic. He doesn’t want to make this any harder on Cas than it’s going to be, and panicking won’t help.

He pulls Cas to him, holds on, thinks of how much he loves this angel, how he never thought he’d have someone this brave, and loyal, and special in his family.

How if there had been time…

No. Even now, he won’t, especially now when it just wouldn’t be fair, and he just hopes Cas holds on to him, so he can just slip away like that.

Cas’s hands are suddenly like vice grips around his arms and he pushes Sam back savagely like he read every one of those thoughts.

And then before Sam’s body can override his desire to go gently, Cas is cupping his face and pulling Sam back towards him.

And then Cas’s mouth is on his. Cas’s tongue slipping inside, encouraging Sam’s lips to part, and this is not something he thought he’d ever get to experience.

Maybe…. Maybe he dreamed of it, of there being a right moment to reach for Cas, and hope Cas reached back. 

He’d never imagined it ever being like this but, being a Winchester he probably should have known better.

That’s when he realises he can breathe.

Air is hitting his lungs, and it’s like the most amazing sensation he’s ever experienced, and his body wants more.

It gets it. Cas holds in him place, keeping them steady and still, and Sam realises it’s him, Cas is doing this, breathing for Sam, using his body to produce air he himself doesn’t need and exhaling it into Sam.

Cas found a way.

But it has to be a short term solution, Sam thinks. How long can Cas keep this up? Minutes? Hours? Longer?

How long will it take Dean to realise something’s wrong and come get them?

Cas’s grip tightens a little, as if the angel is somehow aware of his fears and is telling him, clearly, that he’ll do this for as long as it takes to keep Sam alive.

++

His own bed has never felt so good. 

Dry, changed, and alive, Sam slumps down onto the covers, and lies there looking at the ceiling.

Nearly drowning, having an angel buddy breathe for you so you can live, leaves him with a lot to process. 

And something he guesses he needs to really admit to himself.

That he has feelings for Cas.

It’s not like he’s really been in denial, as such; except that every time that little voice spoke up, Sam hastily silenced it, because there was never a good time.

To be honest, even if there had been, he probably still wouldn’t have done anything about it. Dreams aside, he is tainted goods.

He’s fucked a demon, let her feed him her blood so he could turn himself into a weapon (which, as it turns out, was her plan as well, or at least part of it). 

That’s before he even touches what he did that year he spent without a soul, and yes, he’s already heard from both Dean and Cas that he was not responsible for that time.

Sam feels differently. He especially feels differently about accusing Cas, straight up, of deliberately leaving his soul behind in Hell, because that came after.

Oh, he’s done a ton of things he’s ashamed of, but he’ll never be able to get the look on Cas’s face out of his mind.

Sometimes, he wonders if they had a chance to pull Cas back to them right up until that moment. Maybe Cas decided just how little they thought of him, really knew him, based on that one comment when he was already so up against the ropes.

He has no right to even dream of any chance with Cas because he surely doesn’t deserve it.

“Don’t you think I get to decide that?”

Sam sits up sharp to find Cas standing in the doorway. He feels his cheeks redden. Had he really sent all that to the angel like a prayer?

“Longing,” Cas explains. “We can sense longing, too, Sam, as well as hear prayers. That, and need.”

He doesn’t ask, but Sam knows what Cas wants to know...what it is that he longs for, that he needs.

Or rather, Cas _needs_ to hear him actually say it.

And, since Cas is the least cruel person Sam knows, he knows Cas wouldn’t reach out to him like this only to pull away once Sam responds.

“You.” Even so, when he says it, he’s shaking.

Cas doesn’t fail him. He doesn’t desert him, doesn’t leave him desperately waiting to see if he was right after all, if he doesn’t deserve Cas and Cas agrees, if Cas simply doesn’t feel what Sam feels.

This time, when Cas kisses him, it’s not to save his life, but it still feels to Sam like that’s what Cas is doing anyway, because he realises then that being so close to Cas, yet not close enough in the way he so badly needed, would have slowly killed him anyway.

“I love you,” he says, when Cas finally pulls back. “Cas, Cas I…”

Cas presses a light finger against Sam’s lips.

“I know. I know, now, but Sam…. Oh, Sam…”

Sam pulls Cas to him, turns them so the angel is beneath him, and stares down into those desperate blue eyes.

He hears the bedroom door close over by itself, and smiles.

Maybe he and Cas weren’t on the same wavelength before, but they sure are now.


End file.
